I come to you in a weird moment of freedom and relief.
If you follow me in other areas of social media, you will have seen that my thesis is done. It is done. I finished my requirements for college.
I have an overwhelming sense of relief, fear, all mixed up with a feeling of loss, and the fact that it is done feels almost anticlimactic. I knew there wouldn't anything like sunshine and rainbows. But for something that I have been working on since May, that has gone through several drastic changes, I don't know. I just wanted more I guess. It could be coupled with the fact that this was the last thing I had to submit to complete my degree. There is so much pressure put on this one 30 page file. Without it, I will not graduate. And with it? I don't know. I don't plan on continuing part of the project, doesn't interest me anymore and I know it is not my best work.
But as one of my friends said, the fact that I kept going with it even though I did hate it, is a feat in itself.
I am proud of what I put out, don't get me wrong. I did a lot of work to make the story what it was. I started my thesis with a 70-page draft. I scrapped that within two weeks of coming back to campus, changed the point of view, format, and the tense that I was writing it in. I wrote something that I have never even tried to write before. An epistolary novel. Did I do it perfectly? No. I didn't research it thoroughly because I scrapped everything I had done over the summer. But I created a cohesive piece that several people say they love and want more of.
I have put so much work into these 30 pages.
I keep saying that. But I don't know what else to say. I am going to do a more in-depth reaction maybe next week but right now... I just feel sort of out of it. I don't really know how to think about it besides relief that it is done. So I guess that is all for today? I am sorry I am so out of it, I almost feel like I don't know how to function now that everything is completed. It is weird.
I will just have to blog ore to get into another structured habit.
Until next time
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A lover of words, reading and writing.